samlove.com

I'm trying to grow up.  For some reason, whenever I want to do something new, that means totally and completely removing myself from the old.  Some of you have been through this with me before. 

For now, find me here:

multidirectional.wordpress.com

I may be back to livejournal, I may not. We'll see.

I am usually not a spiteful person, you all know this. But tonight I had to deal with who may well be one of the most annoying people I have ever met in my entire life. She also happens to the only person who has moved into my dorm cluster thus far. To give you an taste of what I've had to endure, I'll share the following conversation.

(setting: Dibbey Abble and I are sitting in the cluster living area watching Project Runway reruns on my television which has been temporarily moved from my room for our viewing purposes.)

Dibbey: I don't understand how he thinks that's a good choice. It looks like a 4 year old made it. I really like Uli's though.
me: Yeah, Uli is always good. But Robert and Kayne are so right! Laura really only designs for herself. I love how we become total fashionistas when we watch this show. Like, just because we've watched the past two seasons, we know everything there is--
(The person in question comes flying out of her room.)
her: Oh hey! Is this the TV for the cluster?
me: No, we just brought it out here to watch Project Runway.
her: Oh, because I have a dresser that we can put it on and leave it out here during the school year.
me: No, that's okay. We're only watching the one episode. I brought it out here cos there was no place to sit in my room. I'm gonna put it back when we're done.
her: Oh, well, do you live here?
me: Dibbey doesn't live here, but I do.
her: (to Dibbey) Hi, nice to meet you. I'm [Sharon]. (name has been changed to protect the criminally annoying.)
Dibbey: Yeah, you too.
her: So, wait. Is this Project Runway?
me and Dibbey: Um... yeah.
her: (to me) So, where do you live?
me: (pointing to the room across the cluster from hers) Right there.
her: (in a really snarky tone) Excuse me? You just told me you didn't live here.
me: No, I said, "Dibbey doesn't live here, but I do."
her: Oh, well, I'm [Sharon]. Nice to meet you.
me: Yeah, I'm Sam. We had creative writing together last January.
her: Um, yeah. I know that.


This mindnumbing conversation somehow continued for another 15 minutes. Now, before you jump to conclusions about my cold attitude, keep two things in mind:
1) As mentioned in the second to last line, I spent three hours a day, every weekday for a month in class with her. So I had plenty of time to experience her annoying personality.
B) Dibbey and I made it very clear that we were watching Project Runway. And we take our fashion reality shows seriously.

So my temporary mantra is "One week." In just over one week, all of my guys will be back. And I will be able to escape to the fourth floor and avoid... all that.

So, for those of you out of the loop, I took a job last semester with a local organization that supports mentally retarded people with skill development and life choices. Now, of course I knew before I even took the job that people are people regardless of their capabilities. Ever since I've had this job, I've never thought of the individuals I work with as being anything less than regular ordinary people--like you and I--with the same needs and wants, but who perhaps need a little more support in achieving their goals.

But tonight I had one of those moments where I was reminded of this. One of the individuals I worked with today was having a rough time. After a good 15 minutes of discussing making the right choices and working on certain skills this person paused and said quietly, "I need a hug?" "A hug?" I replied. "That's all? If that's all it takes to make this situation better, then, man, it's easier than we thought!" The individual smiled and then laughed--not just any laugh. That laugh that's a mixture of relief and a recognition of the absurdity of the whole situation. After that laugh I thought, Wow. That was such a normal reaction to have. Which was immediately followed by the thought, Well, duh, Sam? Who slash what did you think you were talking to? This is a person, right?

And it was a humbling moment to say the least. No matter how many times you repeat to yourself what you know about someone or something, there will always be those moments where you slip up a little and maybe forget. Слава богу for those humbling moments to keep you on track.


___________________

In other news: Gladys somehow obtained a crack in her windshield. I'm anxious to replace it, but not for safety reasons. I kinda feel a little white trashy to be driving around with a crack in my windshield. No offense meant at all to those of you who do have cracks in your windshield. For some silly reason, there is something about having a crack-free windshield that solidifies social status for me. Go figure.

Also, I totally ran over a raccoon on the way home from work tonight. By the time I saw it, there was no way to miss it. I didn't run over it with my wheels, but it went right under my car with a little thud. I hoped it was okay, but after going over the situation in my head I realised that there was no way it could've survived. This brings the count of animals I have hit with my vehicle up to three and the number of casualties to two. For some reason, I just hate creating roadkill. It's just one of the grossest experiences one will have outside of appearing on Fear Factor.

It's on days like today that I feel a little guilty for wanting to be all emo and write in my livejournal. But then again, what is a livejournal for if not to let my inner thirteen year old straight emo boy out for a rant.

I'm back at Luther. And it's, for lack of a better word, lonely. I came back early to get a head start on work before classes kicked in and I've found myself doing little more than sitting on my bed watching Law & Order SVU marathons with Quaker Soy Crisps in one hand and Propel Fitness Water (flavored Lemon) in the other. Sure, I get up every once in awhile to check the old e-mail, check with a buddy online, or, you know, go to work. But for the most part my activities in the past couple of days would make me look like a loser to the outside world.

Part of me is trying to be happy. For the first time in two months I haven't had to worry about the well-being of 80-some teenagers, what the hell I am going to do in class the next day, or wondering if my foster siblings are ever going to realise that playing their music at 180 decibels at 1 in the morning is affecting anyone else but them. I actually breathed a sigh of relief unlocking the door to my single room on Friday afternoon--finally my fortress of solitude. For the next couple of weeks anyway.

Part of me is anxious. I've reached the inbetween stage of my summer. I said good-bye to my UB friends almost two weeks ago and my best friend from home and I spent a glorious three days together last week. But my school friends don't start trickling in for another week or so. With the hours I'll be keeping due to my work schedule, this shouldn't be a problem. But my fingers are itching to sit down for another game of Halo and I pace around the room wondering how much longer is it going to be before my dorm room becomes my bedroom and I can move in (emotionally speaking) to the guys cluster downstairs.

Part of me is scared. As much as I want my friends to be here as soon as they possibly can, the very second the last one arrives marks the beginning of the end. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to spend another year paying out the ass to go to Luther College. But it's going to be hard to leave the comfort zone that I've fallen into with these guys and, heaven forbid, actually go out into the real world and start living life as an adult. My mother, on her most recent "i need to be a mother for five seconds and teach you about being a responsible adult" kick, has decided it's time for me to pay my own cell phone bills--which means researching a new plan--and, sooner rather than later mind you, start paying auto insurance. I'm not going to start complaining about this by any means (I know many people who've not been as lucky as I), but the point is... I don't even know what I am doing for my senior paper, much less my life, and at this point I think that paying the bills is one of the things I need to worry about the least.

But you know what? The hell with it all. Bring it on, Life! I mean, what would Wilford Brimley do, right? Well, aside from get his diabetes testing supplies at Liberty Medical. He'd grab Life by it's floppy ears and say, "I'm Wilford fuckin' Brimley! What are you gonna do about it?" And Life would be left with no other option but to shrink away slowly and quietly whisper, "Well, n-n-n-now, that's up to you Mr. Brimley." No, Wilford Brimley is not going to have to choke a bitch, but you can see where I'm going. Maybe not. At any rate, I'm feeling a lot less emo now.

Now I know you all are probably tired of me and my list-making addiction. Well, get over it. In fact, my list-making laziness has reached a new low--in an attempt to recap my summer with Upward Bound, I am going to do the same 5 top fives as I did last summer. If you are lucky, I may do a little non-list reflection.


Top 5 Sayings of the Summer:
5. Ну, ладно! (nu, ladno!) well, okay! (Clay's first Russian phrase that became commonplace for the rest of the summer.)
4. "Do you think a guy in a [blank] thousand dollar [article of clothing] isn't going to [insert clutch move here]? Come on!" (GOB--from Arrested Development--then the Trifecta of Clutchitude)
3. "My name is Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes and I get all of my diabetes testing supplies from liberty medical." (Wilford Brimley, then my AS2G)
2. "What up, what up, let's make it happen." (Clay, then me.)
1. "Keep on rockin' in the free world!" (Neil Young, then Clay and me.)
**Honorable Mentions:
"Shuttie!" (Clay, then--as per usual--me)
"I's jus' conversatin'..." (Syria--pronounced Sierra, don't ask me how--then myself)


Top 5 Songs of the Summer:
5. Bad Day by Daniel Powter (You either love this song or hate it and the students and staff were pretty much split.)
4. pretty much any song by Queen (I can't explain it, but the one thing my entire AS2G could agree on was Queen.)
3. England Swings by Roger Miller (Clay's attempt to mock my ASL singing on the bus late at night led to hours of hilarious actions.)
2. Carmen Sandiego by Rockapella (The random outburst song of the summer.)
1. Heat of the Moment by Asia (We sang this song AT LEAST every day and rocked out to it at various dances and D-town bars.)
**Honorable Mentions:
Blini Songs by Clay Wade and Sam Love (made up and sung while making blini for our Russian Class.)
Intergalactic by The Beastie Boys (the song that started the robot phenomenon for Clay)


Top 5 Random Events of the Summer:
5. More than half a dozen girls coming to talk to me within a week after I gave the Sexuality Talk at Personal Issues. Since when is UB a breeding ground for lesbos?
4. Being smitten by The Lord.
3. Everything that happened Monday night after the final staff meeting.
2. Creating 4 amazing lumberjack characters with my 3 best dudes for one of the dances. We pretty much rock.
1. Shaving my legs for one of the dances at which me and my 3 best dudes went as pretty ladies. This is a stretch as for being considered "random" as we talked about it for over a week, but it was pretty much up in the air until 11am that Friday morning.


Top 5 New Experiences of the Summer:
5. Mos Def and Saul Williams
4. Arrested Development
3. One of the female students having a crush on me and being very overt about it.
2. Planning and carrying out an entire "family vacation" style week of activities for a dozen kids. It's damn tiring!
1. GHETTO. The. Best. Game. Ever.


Top 5 Inside Jokes of the Summer:
5. The box office hit films "Clay Wade: Sheriff of Law" and "Iver Gotta Rock."
4. Phyllis v. Sanity
3. Fuck you, Todd! and Remember the Maine!
2. Hotel Winnishiek girl.
1. Fourth Letter of the Russian Alphabet
Honorable Mentions:
"Claytonwade, Louisiana"
Guac


This summer was one of the most intense summers of my life, for many reasons. We said it so much near the end, but this summer the staff was so close... it was seriously like a family and that's why things went so smoothly. Dave and Phylly both said that this staff was probably the third best staff they remember having in all their years at Upward Bound and, though I don't have much to go on, they are probably right. No offense to those of you out there who I have worked with in the past, but this summer was seamless. Even a certain member of returning staff who, I'll admit, I didn't have high hopes for, added very little drama to the summer. Things ran smoothly. We functioned as a team and, with the exception of one-who-will-not-be-named (but I'm sure you know who she is), we were always willing and able to be flexible and help out another person.

On a more personal level, I had some great friendships this summer. I solidified and built on relationships with returning staff and rocked out with the new ones. I don't know where I would've been during the stressful times this summer if it weren't for Britta and Clay. I can't even begin to explain how many times Britta was there to be level headed when I couldn't be or even just to give me a hug when that's all I needed. Besides, where else would I be without my City Trip girlfriend. And now that our relationship has been confirmed on Facebook, the whole world (or at least our friends and schoolmates) will know of our love for each other. And Clay... damn. Looking at our relationship now, it's weird to think back to the first few days of the summer when we hardly knew each other, to the first week the students were here when we had more of a mentor-mentee thing going. Whether it was "Let's just drive around for a little bit" on the way home from the Walmart, conversations that could've only happened over ping pong games in the wee hours of the early morning, or just sitting around saying whatever stupid shit was coming to our mind and having a great laugh, it was these things that were at the same time both random and habitutal that made the summer for me. I walked into the summer thinking "Who is this guy?" and walked out with one of the best friends I've ever had.

Last summer, it sucked to say good bye. Especially to the people that I knew were graduating or would not be back for the next summer. But this summer... even a couple days later I still cried when I thought about it being all over. Granted, the whole crying might have been helped by the hormonal surges accompanying the whole "remember how you're a lady?" time of the month, but still. I feel like an addict in his first week of rehab--I'm looking to the future and all of the new and exciting things that are going to be in store for me now that the summer is over. But, in reality, all I can think about is when I am going to get my next fix.

today sucked. which, in all actuality, isn't really true. here's why:

things that DIDN'T suck about today:
--c wade and i played GHETTO with our AS2Gs
--it was taco day for lunch
--my AFLS Slice went great
--i got to do two awesome rec activities (four square and dodgeball) with two of my favorite ladies (b. schaff and l. schurr)
--i filled out mad libs with a coupla cool dudes
--managed to fit in a quick bout of ping pong with my UBBFF.

however...

things that DID suck about today:
--my shoulder hurt
--my AS2G kids are doing jack and driving me insane
--i got my monthly reminder from my lady parts that, yes, i am still a lady smack dab in the middle of teaching my class this afternoon
--my little sister took my middle sister to the ER and i was freaking out about it
--i had to nap periodically throughout the day to make up for a lack of sleep due to kids slamming doors at all hours of the morning.
--the kids have been back for one day and i already need alone time

so, even though the good and the bad seem to cancel each other out and make the day a "meh" day... for some reason, it sucked. big time.

more sleep tonight, hopefully. tomorrow i am shaving my legs and dressing up like a pretty lady. it should make up for today.

we're just over three weeks into the upward bound summer and i decided it's time for another one of my infamous list of lists. this time around, i'll be doing threes.

three most recent movies i have seen in theatres:
1. The Devil Wears Prada in one word, fabulous. not much of a message, but it's catty and fun.
2. Superman Returns surprisingly good. Parker Posey was great, but i didn't much care for Kate Bosworth.
3. Nacho Libre good for a Jack Black fix, but didn't live up to the hype.

three movies recently bought at the blockbuster in lacrosse for a 3 for $20 deal:
1. North Country a really great movie, but i like movies that show the ending. granted, it would've made the movie longer, but i don't like it when you just tell me how a movie ends by adding a paragraph of white lettering over the scenery at the end of the film.
2. Transamerica not exactly what i expected it to be, but a good film nonetheless
3. Everything Is Illuminated still unwatched as i have been told that the book is a good read and i want to do that first

top three groups/organizations of the summer:
1. The Wellness Party aka, the personal issues/rec committee. i can't tell you much, but our motto is "enforcing wellness since june 2006"
2. The Trifecta of Clutchitude a group that involves, me, clay wade, and whomever the third person is that we are hanging out with at the time.
3. The Backstreet UB Staffers laura and myself singing "I Want It That Way" for UB Idol. we pretty much rock.

three events that have made my 4th of july break awesome:
1. Friday Night Festivities including a visit from my dear brother, two guys in the trunk of a car, and a sleepover in my air conditioned room
2. Rockin' Out in Roch-cha-cha sufficing of dinner, a movie, and a great mix disc.
3. Father's Day Lunch this hasn't happened yet, but it's going to be great!

top three Russian phrases used as toasts on friday night:
1. Я не знаю! (ya ne znaiu!)  I don't understand!
2. Ну, ладно! (nu, ladno!)  well, okay!
3. Мяки знак! (myaki znak)  the Russian soft sign "ь" which acts as an accent for consonants.

three top songs of the summer (so far):
1. Heat of the Moment by Asia
2. To Be With You by Mr. Big
3. Every Rose Has It's Thorns by Poison aka, the B. Schaff memorial song

three things i've been thinking about lately/things i talked about with dibbs tonight:
1. how long does it take to determine whether you have a crush on someone or you are just in love with being friends with them?
2. what happens if i end up marrying a dude? so many auxiliary questions follow.
3. what do you do if you really don't want to be friends with someone anymore, but don't want to make things weird?

three people i hung out with tonight that make me so happy i can't even sleep:
1. Dibbey Abble
2. Hoeks
3. Stansy
Honorable Mention/Notably Missing: Danno due to his inability to teleport or secure another form of transport. LAME.



i had several more ideas, but i guess that's it for now. do you have any top threes to add?

So, I've been deep in the throes of Upward Bound for the past three weeks--and at the beck and call of 76 high school aged whirling dervishes for two. 

When I e-mailed an old friend at the beginning of it all, I didn't believe him when he said that the second wouldn't be as good as the first.  I was too busy thinking about how I was reconnecting with old friends, making amazing new friends, being more responsible than last summer, and being excited to see the kids.  Plus, how hard could it be?  This time around, I at least know what I am doing.

Then, they arrived.  And we sent two students home within the first 24 hours after they were caught smoking.  For a couple days, the kids were trickling out at a steady pace.  Then we got some new kids.  Then some of the new kids left.  The first week was exciting--so much so that I didn't even want a night off, just like last summer.  But I took it anyway and by the time the weekend was over, I couldn't wait for break to come.  Turns out the second summer is rougher.

True, I do know more about my job, but I am also not diving face first into my daily activities with the same child-like naivity.  This means many things.  Firstly, I get tired of the kids' bullshit a lot faster.  Last summer, I had a obliviously lovely "Oh, they're just kids!" attitude.  This year I expect a lot more from them, which is hard on all of us.  Secondly, it means I expect a lot more from myself, which is frustrating on most fronts.  On an entirely different subject, I am also increasingly seeking out alone time, which is hard to find.

Don't get me wrong.  I like most of the kids and I love most of my fellow staff.  But, I am overwhelmed.  And we still have a month to go.

anything that went wrong tonight was immediately forgotten after watching Finding Neverland.

watch it. now. i command you.

"I don't think that being gay is wrong, but I do think that we should advocate people to be straight as well."

This is a quote from near the end of a 4 hour long conversation with my short-term summer roommate, a young woman from China. We began talking about Amish people as I had purchased a handmade basket for her while I was visiting my dad at farmer's market. This part of the conversation passed pretty swiftly as we had already gone over a brief history of the settling of the US the day before. The conversation then progressed to a comparison of the history of Public Schooling in America and China, then on to the celebration of the Chinese New Year. The question of what special foods are eaten on holidays led to the discussion of kosher foods, then an explanation of the entire Jewish faith and how to convert to being a Jew, as I currently understand it--including an explanation of "foreskin". This led to many questions concerning the differences between Judaism and Christianity, the social standards of clergy, and gays in church. Which ultimately led to our final topic of conversation: "the gays." She had many concerns, including "what do you think if a daughter has two dads, how does she learn about being a woman?" "do you think that, for example, if two dads have a son, they might be attracted to him?" "i am only worried that maybe we will start having many gays and it will upset the social balance..." All of which took very long explanations as I had to stop to spell and define many of the words I used to answer, including the term "hate crime" It was after this explanation that she said the above quote. I found myself stifling laughter as I explained that, for the time being, "gays just want to get married, have families, and not get fired from their jobs... they don't want to take over the world!" She laughed with me and laughed even harder when I explained to her about Fred Phelps and his "AIDS Cures Fags" campaign. The topic of AIDS and the passage of AIDS led to one question I, despite my past as a sex educator, just could not answer: "if gays are man-man and woman-woman, and not man-woman, how does sex happen?" I sputtered and probably blushed then explained that sex is usually thought of as the act of procreation, however there are many things that man-woman couples do that do not lead to pro-creation and are simply for pleasure. I then hinted that we were hitting the 4 hour mark we decided to call it a night.

This is only one of a few very interesting, yet mostly explanatory conversations we have had over the past few days. Other topics of conversation have included: gang problems in America and what is a gang exactly, school uniforms: their styles and purposes, printing v. cursive in American English handwriting, American Capitalism v. Chinese Socialism, and who is Martin Luther anyway. They are, for the most part, very enlightening conversations considering this is the same person who has a hard time understanding that Sam [my last name] and Samantha [my last name] are the same person and often tells people who call that I do not live here.

But one thing, above all has become extremely clear: Chinese culture is very different from that of the US. How else could you explain the fact that this woman has lived with me for over a week, had a 1 hour conversation with me about gay people, and still does not know that I am, as the RHD would say, "a big ol' homo?"




*for you uncultured swine out there, this is the title of a Monty Python song... which I happen to love.

well, then.  the school year is finally over.  time for a little reflection?

monumental events of the school year (in no particular order):

• applied, got accepted, planned for and then decided not to spend my spring semester abroad at the University of Limerick in Ireland due to fiscal, academic, and general life reasons
• visited Omaha and spent a lovely weekend with Dustro, Brother, Xa, T-baz and Kraig
• achieved, for the first time in my college career, a GPA over 3.0, but barely¹
• nearly died on three separate occaisions, all of which included vehicles and two of which included snow
• applied for and got a job as a Skills Trainer for Opportunity Homes, Inc -- my first pretty much grown up job, complete with grown up wages and grown up hours -- and, as a result, had to give up my position as a Upward Bound tutor during the school year
• made my largest (read: most expensive) purchase to date of $1200 for an iBook G4 and corresponding equipment
• applied and was not accepted to a study abroad program for J-term 2007 for unspecified reasons; decided to use that time, possibly, for an internship instead
• came out as being trans-identified to most of my close friends
• became addicted to Halo 2
• completed my first real research project--of which I was the researcher-- and liked it, but realised that I was not meant to be an academic
• celebrated recognized the one year anniversary of my coming out to various family members
• looked into various grad school programs for both social work and criminal justice²
• turned 21 years old which included drinking scotch for the first time (not the best idea I've ever had)
• visited my dad at the farm/greenhouse he works at and got to know that part of my dad a little better
• participated in joint balalaika concert with the UW Madison Balalaika Ensemble
• celebrated the lives of 5+ family members/family friends that passed away
• made and sustained close relationships with 6--that's right, 6!--female friends
• lived my dream of being a folk rock star by doing lead/back-up vocals and auxillary percussion with my sometimes band Something From Oz
• saw my mom for a total of 52 hours... the entire school year... and some of those don't count cos we were sleeping... also, i only saw Rhea Rhea for a few days at Christmas and Pidge for a few days at Thanksgiving, Christmas and.... Spring Break?  I miss my family, can you tell?

in the week since i finished school, i've managed to accomplish a lot as well.  another list?

• went to the Irish Shanti with the guys and ladyfriends (scroll down to the bottom of the LC photos, we are the 3rd and 4th to last) and managed a respectable GB.5³ with the help of Katy F.
  
• survived a weekend visit from Radd Thadd and Dustro (among others) which included popping my Roscoe's⁴ cherry
• packed up my room and my van on 4 hours of sleep and still managed to get checked out a half an hour before the deadline--that's 30 minutes faster than last year!
• hung out with Allan and Edwin which included: seeing the DaVinci Code, grocery shopping at Voldemart at 2 in the morning, and using Allan's webcam to create dance videos to songs including, but not limited to: "I Want It That Way," "Here I Am Lord," "If You Wanna Be My Lover," and "My Heart Will Go On."
• had a conversation with my summer roommate (who is from China) that covered topics ranging from school uniforms and gangs to braces/dentistry and the pros/cons of socialist v. capitalist society--which I find amazing since she can't seem to remember my name and routinely tells people who call that "no one called [my name] lives here"

do we have time for one more?  okay... things i plan to do before Upward Bound starts:

• take all of my belongings that i haven't used in the past year and don't plan to use in the future and either throw them out or donate them to the depot in an effort to both rid myself of unneccesary material goods and regain the 35% of my van that this stuff has been taking up
• visit my dad in viroqua and see him do his thing at farmers market... maybe do some amish spotting?
• use the one week of time that, due to a miscalculation, I now have off of work and have not arranged housing for to my benefit by going to Wisconsin to visit friends (this is still very tentative)
• work out at least 4 times... I need to get back into the groove somewhat

I would apologize to you all that all of my updates usually come in list form but instead I will thank you for remaining a captive audience in spite of what some may consider a character flaw.  but, now it's your turn.  what have you been up to?  what are your plans for the summer?



¹This may be somewhat surprising to some of you (especially those of you who remember me from my high schoo days of let's have a nervous breakdown if my GPA was under 4.0) but I did kind of fuck around freshman year and didn't do as well as you and I both know that I should have.
²If you have any recommendations please let me know.
³That's half of a GunderBurger which, for those of you not in the know, is the famous 1 pound (after it is cooked) burger at the Shanti... which my friend Dan proceeded to eat, in it's entirety in under 2 minutes.
⁴Roscoe's: Decorah's skeevy excuse for a dance club and a hot spot for many LC students, of which I thought I would never be incuded

once upon a time, there was a soc major. she decided to take a class on research methodology because she thought it would be interesting. (it was also required.) for this class, she had to develop, carry out, and report back on a research project in a subject area of her own choosing. she spent weeks crafting the perfect research design and even more weeks developing a workable survey instrument. as the semester began drawing to a close, she knew she would have to buckle down and begin analyzing data and constructing a coherent argument.

finally, it came down to the weekend before due date. all saturday long she worked hard on her project, but it was not finished. she spent all day sunday slaving away over calculators and laptops, but it still was not done. she starting working on her project late monday night and continued into the wee (5 am) hours of tuesday morning. but still, she was not finished.

she finally stopped hitting the snooze button the next morning just in time to miss her first class of the day. taking the time to do some quick last minute adjustments to her figures and format, she printed off the paper, placed in in a shiny black folder, and breathed a sigh of relief. everything in life was swell.

that is, until she reached her last class of the day. the class for which the project was due. five minutes after her arrival, a student worker came through the door. he had an announcement to make, "your professor," he said, "is sick today and will not give a lecture. oh, and by the way, the due date on your paper has been extended to monday."

-----

now here is the point of the story where most bitches say, "but sam, at least you have it done. now you don't have to worry about it!" but that is not the point. the moral of this story is that i was up until 5 in the morning. did i mention that? FIVE AM! all so i could finish this precious paper and hand it to my professor in a well done and timely fashion. but, no. i stayed up until 5AM for, oh yeah, that's right, pretty much nothing.

the end.

This shit is hilair!

check it out!

5 things that have happened recently¹:

- me thinking peter sarsgaard is pretty much the hottest guy ever.  at least in my book.  today, anway.
- the length of my hair reaching nigh ryan cabrera/macguyver proportions.²
- my best friend (the punky norwegian-dwelling one) told me that he watches gilmore girls and it reminds him of us.³
- me thinking maybe i might grow out my hair, but not being too sure about that.
- me somehow allowing my friends to convince me (while sober) to don a pair of combat boots, therefore turning my brown cords/flannel shirt ensemble into a lumberjack costume before heading out to la rana for a birthday celebration.⁴

5 songs that i like right now
- "heat of the moment" by asia
- "breathe" by anna nalick
- "mayberry" by rascal flatts
- "king of the road"  by roger miller
- "baby, i love your way" by peter frampton

5 things that i should do more often, but don't:
- leisure read
- sleep
- work on homework
- clean my room
- return things to people in a timely fashion



¹ Or not so recently but I either recently remembered them or finally remembered to tell you.
² The guys will tell you I am exaggerating.  However, some will also tell you that McGuyver does not have a mullet.
³ What?!^i
4 Pictures to follow.



ⁱ I am starting to agree.

disclaimer: this post was originally written as a response to a blog written by the uberfreund. for those of you have seen top chef, please feel free to add your own two cents. for those of you who haven't seen all the episodes, i don't think there are any major spoilers but you might want to be careful. for those of you who don't care about the show, feel free to go fuck yourself skip this post.

**************

maybe it's because i am not a very cook-y person, but i pretty much like this show (even the pumpkin thing, which was actually lasagna). though i can agree with you that some of these chefs have a tendency to leave me feeling, as micheal kors would say, "underwhelmed." but, having (finally) seen all of the episodes up to this point, here are my two cents:

-the quickfire challenge: a very interesting way of introducing "immunity." but, i guess they had to add something to tweak the layout so it wasn't a complete copy of PR.

-stephen: a pompous pretentious prick. basically the "santino" of TC. based on his drama-stirring tendencies, i think he'll be around for awhile. but he is is too condescending and, like his PR counterpart, a little too "over the top." i mean, come on, banana wrapped, japanese infused tamales? i am a big fan of food fusion, but that dish just seemed like a bit much. not to mention he seems to think he is above the rules at times. maybe it's narcissistic personality disorder? oh, wait... he's just a gay man. sorry. maybe the world does revolve around him. :P

-miguel: correct me if i am wrong, but in only four episodes, miguel has ripped off ideas from two different chefs. you may be a good cook, but get your own ideas dude.

-david: for pretty much no reason at all, i pretty much like this guy. i don't think he will last til the final 3 or whatever, but even after the first four episodes he seems to be pretty honest about himself and his food.

-andrea: maybe it's because i have been eating from cheryl's organic/whole foods only pantry for the past week, but i like what she's doing trying to pimp organic foods. i am so glad they brought her back, even if all she is going to do is pimp out organic food.

-tiffani: she is very outspoken and sassy, which i like. even i don't always agree with what she has to say. maybe her sassy attitude is due to the fact that she is bisexual. at least that's what bravo must think, as tiff is the only one whose sexuality is mentioned in her online biography. and we all know that she is NOT the only homo on this show.


everyone else on the show has yet to leave a big impression on me, so i guess that's it for my two cents.

as far as birthdays go, this one was pretty low key. i think, though, that it was probably one of the best ones. i received individual phone calls from my mom and sisters in ohio, starting with rhea at 11:26 pm last night. (she forgot about the one hour time difference, but i still gave her credit for being the first.) i spent the entire day with my father-- and i think that was the best present of all. he took me out for dinner (in spite of my suggestion that his money might be better spent on paying the bills) and bought me my first "legal" drink. what a guy, huh?

even the cat remembered my birthday. when i came home and let gizmo in (also known as "gizzy mcmomo"... okay, maybe only i call her that), she ran past me, meowing oddly. i followed her around the house til i found her sitting in the living room where she presented me with a very grey, very dead mouse. i guess it's the thought that counts.

well do ya, punk? this is, what, your third update in as many days? this could be a good thing or a bad thing. let's lean toward the good.

today was a homework free, responsibility free, and, perhaps the best of all, 16 year old boy tantrum free day. i woke up at 9, sat in bed at the laptop until noon thirty, took a shower, ate lunch, and lounged around until my dad called to come get me.

he wanted to take me birthday shopping which, taking into consideration his current financial situation (read: pretty bleak), i didn't really want to exploit. so i decided to go for a dive in the $5.50 movie bin at the local Voldemart.  you might make fun of my for my choices, but i was absolutely amazed at what i found.

the first two are nothing really special, just the usual gay-themed purchase.
1. "Flawless"  Starring Robert DeNiro as a security guard and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a drag queen/pre-op mtf whose paths cross somehow.  I've never seen it before, but it should be interesting.

2. "In & Out"  We all know this one.  Kevin Kline trying to discover "is he or isn't he?" as the whole town looks on.

these two are the big hits which, probably you've never heard of, but they were HUGE in my childhood:
3. "Space Camp" A bunch of kids at NASA Space Camp accidentally get launched into space during a routine test run.  Starring a very young Joaquin Phoenix as the Space Camp Child Prodigy or something.  Also starring Lea Thompson and Tate Donovan, whom I secretly love.

4. "Courage Mountain: Heidi's New Adventure" If you're a Shirley Temple fan or have ever heard of the story of Heidi at all, this movie is the sequel.  Heidi and Peter are all grown up; one goes off to war and the other goes off to boarding school (betcha can't guess which is which).  Long story short, this one bitch totally rips on Heidi for her rustic style, WWI happens, boarding school girls get sent to an orphanage run by evil child-labor exploiters, Heidi saves the bitch's ass (and some other orphans, too), Peter saves Heidi, Heidi saves Peter and everyone lives happily ever after in the Swiss Alps.  Unless Peter dies at war, which of course we never really find out.  Anyway, I haven't seen this movie in probably 10 years and it was a staple of my childhood film diet.  So as corny as it may be, and it is corny as hell, I am glad to have it in my collection.


as much as i am happy with these additions to my movie library, i just need to ask... why are movies like space camp and courage mountain on DVD and yentl is not?  yentl is my most favorite movie of all time and is currently available only on vhs unless you live in europe or something crazy like that.  come on, people.  i want me some yentl!  in dvd form!  stat!








p.s. also, i am 21 tomorrow.  well, i mean technically my birthday isn't until 4:44pm CST, but today is the day.  huzzah.

fourth day of break.  what have i accomplished today?

-- rose early to go to a lady parts doctor appointment and survived
-- finished the second half of "the italian job" (i fell asleep in the middle last night)
-- ate an amazing sundried tomato turkey sandwich accompanied by organic berries of the straw and blue varieties and the most amazing organic oatmeal raisin cookie of all time
-- finished most of my UB paperwork for the summer while watching the food network on mute and listening to elton john
-- drinking a tall soy chai latte from the NEW local starbucks
-- lived through the day long tantrum of a nigh-16 year old boy    (this one may not be over yet)
-- completed the following meme and playlist

things i intend to accomplish before the day is done:
-- finish UB paperwork
-- get started on orthodoxy midterm
-- watch telly
-- feed aloyshus betty
-- psych myself up for the big 2-1... coming to a sam love near you this friday thursday.  (what kind of person doesn't know their own birthday.)


the last one doesn't really mean anything.  i just wanted to pimp myself out for birthday reasons.  otherwise, the list seems fairly productive to me.  funny how i seem to be getting more done in one day at home than i ever do at school.

for those of you who responded to my last post, either in comment or e-mail form, it's greatly appreciated. even if you didn't really get what i was trying to say, or if i didn't really get what you were trying to say, it means a lot that you cared enough to try and understand where i was coming from.

now for the update portion of the show, which won't take long, because i am on spring break and not much is going on.

1.) i still don't know what i am doing with my life. one day i am kicking myself in the ass for not going after that education degree, the next i have my heart set on a social work program.  a few days later, i'm contemplating enrolling at the Teaching Drum Outdoor School.

2.) the first five hours of my break were spent driving through the wisconsin country side and navigating the concrete jungles of the bigger cities.  the next 43 hours were spent with my mom and sister at my grandparents house.  my mom and i stayed up until 3 am after we arrived there at 11 pm friday night.  talking to her made me feel a little bit better about number one on this list.

3.) for my birthday i have received (thus far): a glass photo frame with leaf skeletons in it from my aunt, new shoes and printer cartridges and rubbermaid plastic bins (for the intent that i should clean out my car someday) from my mother, money from the grandparents--which was promptly spent on the RENT dvd, and a new betta fish and betta home and  accesories from my sisters.

4.)  As mentioned in number three, i now have a new pet fish.  although he can never replace major ingemar "ingo" piers (may he rest in peace), who graced my life with his presence for a year and a half, this new guy seems pretty cool.  his name is aloyshus betty leupp VI, also known as louie.  i chose his first name because i have an odd attraction to very white collar names that have very blue collar nicknames.  betty was the choice of my 9 year old cousin who decided that he needed a middle name.  leupp, pronounced "loop," was the name of a town i saw on a cold case murder show today that i thought was a pretty silly spelling for a silly word.  and the IV comes in because he is the sixth betta that i have ever had for a pet.  a photograph, however unflattering it may be, was taken by my 14 year old cousin for your viewing pleasure.


5.) i have spent a large majority of my day watching one tree hill with dannielle.  at first i pretended to be interested, just to make conversation.  but now i am afraid i might really like it.  on an unrelated subject, i really wish that i owned a few seasons of law & order.


and now, for the top 10 music downloads of spring break, thus far:

10.  Vacation -- The Go-Gos
9.  To Be With You -- Mr. Big
8.  Here I Go Again On My Own -- Whitesnake
7.  Jack and Diane -- John Cougar Mellencamp
6.  Born To Run -- Bruce Springsteen
5.  Car Wheels On a Gravel Road -- Lucinda Williams
4.  It's 5 -- Architecture in Helsinki
3.  Demons Away -- Matt Skiba
2.  I Write Sins Not Tragedies -- Panic At The Disco
1.  Holiday -- Doktor Kosmos


peace out, girl scout.

this is a message that i sent to my best friend tonight. it pretty much sums up my life right now.

i wish i wasn't going to bed, because if i weren't i am sure i would stay up all night (assuming that you are around) having a conversation with you that was full of laughter and tears (of the bittersweet variety), leaving me to have happy dreams about the warm fuzzies of our friendship (of which there are many) and counting down the days til you come home to visit (even though I have to work on monday nights which kind of ruins our plan).

but instead i am going to take off my clothes (not that you needed to know), crawl into my warm, but empty bed (since when i am i mister lonelyheart?) and have the dream in which i am gay cowboy, laying under the mountain sky with my tight-jeaned, scruffy-faced lover (the one that i am fairly certain i will never have), hard, strong, sinewy bodies pressed up against one another (another thing that i am fairly certain will never happen to me)--partially for warmth, but mostly because we are too afraid of losing each other to let go.

then i will wake up in the morning (two hours after my alarm has been set because I stayed up too late watching telly instead of talking to you), decide to miss lunch while i am in the shower with tears welling up in my eyes (wanting things i cannot have and wishing i could move on), and going to class wishing my best friend was here (which, contrary to popular belief is an everyday occurrence) so i could at least have the solace of knowing that someone has a bigger vagina than me.

but alas, i spend too much time working (and homeworking) to remember that my best friend is much farther away than over the river and through the woods (norway is a no-good best friend stealing bitch--though i'm sure it also has its good points) and not 13 steps upstairs to listen to my (sob) stories and tell me that i am okay (but mostly to get the hell over it and move on) even if i am being a little emo.

i miss you (my voice of reason) and being around you (my sanity) and hope that my life will slow down (the brakes need work) so that i can talk to you soon.


i sent it to my uberfreund, but if you read this, it probably applies to you too. i'm sorry i missed your call and will ring you the next time i have a spare minute.